How to Have a Threesome /How to Set Up a Threesome

You are here most likely because you want to have a threesome and want info on how to set it up.

You will learn about that here.

Having a threesome can be fun and really is not generally as hard as people think. After you read this you will have the info you need to have a threesome.

There is a more in depth article after this shorter one to get more info. It is recommended that you read the longer article as well.

0. Always be safe. Vet potential partners before meeting them, never exchange money, payment information, bank, or Vemno, PayPal, Chime, CashApp, to any people online. Do not give out your address, or talk about who stays with you in your home, or where you work. Do not send fully nude pictures to a stranger with your face in them, or with identifying information in the background.
Always practice safe sex. Use condoms when meeting a third for the first time. Don’t use a new substance for the first time when meeting a third person, and set a limit for substances you have used in the past.

It is okay to drink or smoke in order to relax more when in new situation like a threesome, however, if you need the substance in order to go through with your threesome you likely should not do the threesome. Not listening to yourself often results in things going wrong. You also don’t want be so out of it when playing that you can’t remember or if you enjoyed yourself.

1. Number one. Talk with your partner. Before you go any further make sure your partner is on the same page. Do not make the mistake of starting this process without them. Talk and talk and then over communicate, and use TMI (too much information). It is almost impossible to go wrong if you do this.

Setting out on your own can hurt your partner’s feelings, endanger the threesome all together, and damage trust in the relationship. You will avoid a lot of conflict and save headaches and move faster if you include your partner from the beginning.

If you want to bring up the idea of a threesome to your partner consider using my book of sexual experimentation questions. It is awesome for couples to communicate the tricky (hard to talk about) fantasies and activities. It has over 350 questions to go through with your partner.

2. Decide who you want to join you?
Now you start to get to the fun part. Who do you want to join you. Do you want another cock in the mix, or would you like someone with a pussy. Are you interested in a trans person? Do you care what color hair or eyes they have? Do they need to be single? Can they be married with a hall pass? Do you care? Find these things out as you start looking for a person to join you.

3. How you want it to operate?
Bringing someone into you love life is delicate. You don’t need to know before you meet this person if you will see them again, but you should know if you want that or are at least open to it as a possibility. Also, you will want to set ground rules with your partner, so that you know what you are and are not allowed to do.

There are a number of ways to include another person in your love life. They can be a one-time partner, a comet partner (a partner who is mostly distant but swings around every few months or so), a friend of the couple that can hang out have drinks with, potentially attend events with and then have the benefit of sexual contact; or perhaps you want to go for it and have a throuple (full relationship with three people). The last two partner types are not recommended for those that have not had at least one threesome, and likely you should have a few more threesomes before you try to add another person to your own situation. Adding a partner to a relationship requires about double the time and attention you already put into your relationship, so do it knowing the work you will have to put in.

As for ground rules these prevent hurt feelings, reduce jealousy, and keep people safe. Decide before you really get into your search what you want to happen.
Establish a safewords for each other to use and know what they mean.

Here are some common things to think about (feel free brainstorm and add your own).

a. Do you want everyone to get STI test results or are you fine just using condoms?

(Do not attempt to have a potential partner get tested and not get tested yourselves. Even if you have been monogamous for 30+ years it is unfair to ask a person to get tested and provide results and then tell them we have only been with each other, so we don’t need to test. This is not cooperative behavior and you should be willing to do whatever it is that you are asking someone else to do.)

b. Do you want to get everyone tested and go without protection?

c. Is giving oral allowed; is receiving oral allowed?

d. Is anal allowed?

e. Is kissing allowed?

f. Is cuddling allowed?

g. Are there positions that you won’t do with a stranger face to face (missionary)?

h. Is the guest leaving right after the action is over?

i. Where will everyone cum (inside versus on the body) where on the body; can they cum with the new partner?

A very very important part of ground rules if a having a safeword. If things don’t go the way you plan, someone gets sick, you get a bad feeling from the situation, you start to feel jealous when you thought you wouldn’t, etc. You need to a have a way to end things quickly and smoothly without having a meltdown, or freaking out.
A phrase like, “Do we have the special lube?” or something unsuspecting like that can let the other person know you are no longer wanting to continue.

Likewise when meeting a potential partner for the first time and deciding if you want to go forward with your plan you can have a phrase or a signal that you use to let your partner know if it’s a go or a pass.
Crossing and uncrossing your legs playing with your ring on your finger, or a simple phrase. This can allow things to go smoothly and if you decide to not go through at that time it can be seamless exit to your adventure.

4. Try a threesome situation
Before you actually try adding a third person to your sex life try just going through the motions. Every once in a while a couple finds they never really wanted a threesome and just like talking about the idea.

Talk about it, talk about it while having sex, add a dildo or dildos to the mix, add a fake pussy if you really want to get adventurous buy a thruster (a fucking machine) get one that you can attach a dildo or a pussy and use them. During sex video yourselves, post anonymous photos somewhere online and and ask for comments. Sometimes for couple this is as far as they want to go. If you are unsure if you want to go all the way try some of these suggestions, and see where you land be sure to talk it all about with your partner.

5. Start looking for a partner.

Now the rubber is meeting the road or starts rolling down the shaft.

Once you have completed the other steps it is time to start trying to find that person to help you carry out your fantasy.
Imagine you have to go on a road trip and have to take another person. You will have to listen to someone, smell them, spend time around them. You would want an awesome person that will make your trip better. Don’t make the mistake of thinking they only need to have the right body or body parts of a certain size (cock, tits, etc) and that will meet your needs. Their personality will matter most. Personality will affect your enjoyment far more than any other factor about the person you choose.

You want someone who can handle rejection with grace, can deal with an unexpected situation, and someone that you can trust, to some extent.

To start your search you can create and account, on a website, app, fill out a profile, and if you want place an ad.

There are very few sites and apps that are created especially for threesome and are popular enough to have enough daily users to have good chances, but don’t fret. There are many sites and apps that are configured to help people find a threesome partner.

The following are websites and apps the have been reviewed and proven to help people find what they are looking for.

They are:

SDC.com

SLS.com

Fetlife.com

Aff.com

Apps:

Feeld

Tinder

Websites like SDC and SLS are more oriented toward swingers, (but these sites still have a ton of singles) the vibe is mostly laid back and you will likely have a few couples that will message you in order to get to know you.

Adult Friend Finder is perhaps the oldest site and may have the most daily users however, its popularity also attracts scammers. Scammers will be present on every app and every website listed here so use common sense.
The thing most people/couples say is a problem on Adult Friend Finder is that they receive anywhere from 20-60 messages a day on the website and they get overwhelmed by the responses. Many of them can be bots, people who aren’t serious, and the occasional scammer. You will however find a few good ones, so with some work you could find your third.

Fetlife was originally started as a website for kinky people, but after Craigslist ended their personals section, FetLife made some changes and now accommodates people trying to post ads and find specific things.
Some people like it because it has multiple 10s of thousands of groups within the website that allows people to organize by desire, or region or if your area is big enough region and desire together.

(For example there are the personals for most big cities. But large place like New York, Los Angeles Dallas, Orlando, etc. often have have a swinging group, a cuckold group, a BBC group, a kink group etc.
With FetLife it is better to place an ad than just create a profile and wait.

Tinder
You can use and app like Tinder and make a profile. Tinder does not allow for dual profiles, so one person will need to create the profile and then say what they are looking for for both of you. Let people know what it is that you are looking for, and start swiping.

Feeld was actually designed to simplify searching for a threesome partner. The messaging interface is still wonky for some reason, even after years of the app being available (not showing notifications for new messages, new messages not appearing for hours or even a day or more, sent messages not reaching your chat partner); veterans of the app will often suggest another app for chatting if you make a connection with them. If this happens on Feeld don’t be too alarmed as long as they don’t immediately ask for a phone number, address.

How to set up your profile:

(A quick note to those of you trying to find a female partner for your threesome. It is
totally possible to find an awesome woman to join in for your threesome but it is far harder to find a woman than another man.
Keep in mind you are trying to convince a single female to meet strangers, alone, willingly get naked and have sex.
(Not providing clear recent photos of yourself, not providing photos, being inconsistent and unorganized, being smug, not providing details, being overly secretive, changing the plan many times, all of these things will make a woman say “no thank you”. The second woman in a threesome is often referred to as a unicorn because they are so rare. Don’t be discouraged, you can still find your unicorn, but you have to keep in mind that a woman will have many many choices besides you with which to have a threesome.
You are competing with dozens or more of other couples. Many of them will be willing to provide a solid plan, give face pictures, be open and welcoming, and make her feel comfortable. This means your behavior, how you present yourself, how much effort you put into creating and filling out a profile will directly affect your success in finding that partner.)

Now for your profiles:

Get pictures!!
They do not need to show your face, but they need to be recent and they should show your bodies from the knees up to your neck. People have bodies, and we all want to know what each other look like. A profile with no photos or a picture of scenery, or flowers looks like a scammer or a bot and often the smart and eligible people are the first to write off these profiles.
Everyone is on the lookout for scammers now, if you have a picture of yourself holding a card or piece of paper with your screen name on it you will get 10-50x more responses than you would with no picture at all.

It is said that 3 pictures is the minimum so try to stick with that and have at least three photos of each of you.
You don’t need to be in lingerie, or naked unless you really want to show all that off. All your photos should be sharp, in focus, and not blurry (unless just your face).

(Keep in mind as you set up your profile that you may try this again in the future. The better work you do in the moment to set up a great looking amazing profile, the less you need to revise and improve in the future.)

What your profile should have in it:
Unless you have significant trouble spelling, writing, and using basic punctuation try not to use AI to construct the ‘about you’ section. The reason is, your writing style does a lot to attract a person and if you find that you keep getting potential partners you don’t like, or that don’t like you it could be the initial writing style of the AI attracted them and then the change to this style of writing has put them off or made them feel confused.

“So, what should we write?” you ask.

Here are some pointers.

If you are trying to attract a thoughtful partner, especially to make another woman feel comfortable, you should write at least 200 words in your profile. (200 words is the absolute bare minimum for word count. 350 is great. 500 is starting to get long.

a. Introduce yourselves.

b. Give your age, or approximate ages (e.g. early 40s)

c. Say where you are located. If you are from a small town say that you plan on traveling to a larger city. You can also say that you ‘play’ in the bigger city that is near where you live.

d. Don’t lie. You can keep info to yourself, but don’t give out dishonest information. If your story doesn’t add up or you have to confess later that you said or wrote something untrue it may spook that special person you were building a connection with.

e. Say what you are looking and include some detail. If you have physical things that you want list try listing 1-3 things; don’t go overboard.
Example: “We are looking for a gentleman, in XX-XX age range, who would be interested in joining us in a threesome. We prefer someone with a strong physique, and a nice average-size cock; not more than 8 inches.”

f. Talk about your experience level if you have any. If you have don’t have threesome experience, you don’t have to say that you are total newbies, in fact I might avoid saying that all together unless you are asked directly (then be honest. Don’t Lie).
You can say: “we are on the less experienced side”, “we are still new to some things” “we are still finding all of our preferences”

People who have experience being in threesomes often have a preference, often for others to have more experience. This is not because they think the sex itself will be better, but they think the time before and after the sex will be better.

Your threesome partner doesn’t want disorganization, mixed up messaging, messy meetings and hearing “I don’t know”, and “we’re not sure” to every other question they ask. (This is also why you should talk talk talk with your partner.)
Your threesome partner doesn’t want to see people getting emotional, or worse, see a fight happen because you have never seen your husband go down on another woman before, or you have “never heard you wife moan like that when it is just the two of you in bed together”.
They don’t want to clear their schedule, shower, choose an outfit, possibly hire a babysitter, and drive to a place and watch a couple fall apart or only to hear that you say have cold feet and changed your mind or the classic “something came up”.

So you in lieu of experience you can try to put their mind at ease by saying some things like: “I love seeing my wife receive pleasure” “The thought of my husband with another woman turns me on”. “We like to see each other pleased sexually” “communication is how we have stayed successful in our relationship”. You want to show that even though you haven’t gone all the way with a third person they are making the right decision by choosing you. (Don’t lie, find something to say that is true.)

g. Say something positive about each other. “My wife has fantastic legs” “My guy is super funny” (Again Don’t lie)

h. Say what you’d like to happen. “We would like a guy who has above average oral skills” “we would like to find a girl who is not a one and done” “we want to find someone who is okay meeting
just once” “we want a guy who can play with both of us”

i. Don’t say any of the following:

“We are fun/chill/cool/laid back couple”
No couple says their uptight, or difficult to be around.

“We are looking for some fun/adventure/sexual exploration/” or possibly worst of all “Broaden our sexual horizons”
You’re on a website for sex; the context is obvious.

“We are looking for the right person/ we are picky/”

Aren’t we all; Just scan through your responses and message the ones that stand out.

“We like to travel/ like adventure”
Again… This is most people. Travel and adventure seeking is not new.

Telling people how long you have been together, unless you just met is just verbal filler.
More verbal filler: telling people how many countries you have visited, that you like concerts or live music, that you like to have a wine or a cocktail at then end of a long day, or have a couple of drinks on the weekends.

DO NOT use the word “clean” to reference sexually transmitted infections. This can cause misunderstandings about STI status as some may think you’re referring to hygiene. In addition, someone who sometimes gets cold sores (also known as herpes simplex virus 1) can still be clean, smell wonderful, and have excellent oral hygiene. This can be true for anyone who had or currently has an STI.

If you are talking about STI status say “have a recent negative STI results”. This eliminates doubt or misunderstanding and makes it clear what your intention is. If you happen to have an STI yourself you can put this in your profile, you can put it in your ad, but you don’t have to as long as you disclose the information before you have sex.

j. Say a little about traits you like to see.
We like punctuality, someone who is straight to the point” “Some who takes their time” “someone who is clean and values hygiene” “someone who is hairy” “someone who is the life of the party” “a person who is quick to crack a joke”

you can include one or two physical traits “a nice…”

k. Say what you willing to accept: “We’re okay if you don’t look like a model” “Were okay, if you have a little extra around the middle” “we don’t mind taking time to get to know you” “we are willing to travel”

Post an ad on a website.

You can post an ad
An ad differs mainly from a profile in that you talk less about yourself and more of what you hope to find.

A few key pointers for this:

a. Always refer them back to your profile so they can get more info about you.

b. Be positive, we encounter so many things online and a lot of messed up people we tend to want to pre-eliminate those people by saying things like: “flakes, and jerks, need not apply” “don’t bother trying to get us to send you nudes” rather than air all your grievances to everyone on the platform suck it up and just ignore those people who are rude, scammers, or aggressive.

c. State where you are located or the city in which you want to meet.

d. you can include e, h, j, k, from above.

A good ad might look like this

Hey,

We are a couple in our mid 40s in the DFW area. We are looking for another man to join us for a threesome. We are searching for someone within 10 years or so of our age. You do need to have a perfect body, but you should take care of yourself. We are still finding all of our preferences, but nice arms, and a warm smile are a plus; It is our goal to get to know you, before we meet in person. We are not rushing. We don’t use any substances, but we don’t mind if you have a drink, or use another legal substance to relax beforehand. We are willing to travel a little if you are someone who stands out to us. Learn more about us in our profile, and send us a message if you are interested.

6. Be realistic
Now if you have done things right you are starting to get responses. Some people maybe far from what you are looking for and some people might just miss the mark. If you are in a rural area, or are looking for a woman or simply are getting low responses, my advice to you is to take a second look at some of the other candidates, you may have written off.
We all have that dream person, the exact physique we want, the face, the smile, the butt, the dick, the waist with the tits, but often the ideal candidate is busy, only in the area for a short time, they are not interested in us.

They are others.

7. Make sure they have the traits that you want.
You don’t need to have every single box on your list checked, but you should have things that you won’t compromise on, and your deal breaker list worked out with your partner.

Know the difference between assertive and pushy .

Generally an assertive person is proactive in messaging and conversation. They contribute ideas and feedback, but will deffer to your preference. They know how to keep a conversation going but are not naggy or pushy.

Red flags.
Guys that immediately say they are a Dom or Dominant. Some might say I like to take charge or something similar. A person who quickly tries to state that they are in charge, or will orchestrate “your threesome” is likely bad news.

Someone who immediately begins to talk about how good they are in bed, how many partners they have had, how many times they made last person come, send an unsolicited dick pic.

A person in the first few messages asks: if you do anal, if you suck cock, if they can get nude pictures, should be dropped like a hot frying pan. Don’t bother writing them to tell them that you’re no longer interested. We don’t generally condone ghosting but her we think its okay.

It might go without saying but a low-effort message or a message that looks copy pasted. One-word, one-liners, messages are rarely fruitful.

Green Flags
They will often ask a lot of questions of you, about you, what you like, what your preferences are, where your boundaries are, how you want the whole situation to play out. They will ask how you like to be pleasured, they are open about their situation, etc. It is also a good sign if they reference something you told them a while back which might indicate they care about your comfort.

Remember a person’s personality will have a greatest effect on your threesome more so than any other trait that person has. Pay attention to it. A man with a great physique that can lift you or your partner and has a perfect cock, thinks that his involvement in your threesome is a gift to you, is not worth the time.
A body or cock that is just okay but attached to a person who make you laugh, puts you and your partner at ease, and stops when you say you to stop is much more valuable.

8. Pare down your selection/ vet your candidates.
Experience is not the end all be all, though it helps. A person who has been in multiple threesomes and has a good personality should be one of your finalists. However, even if it is your first time you do not have to have an experienced person in order to have a good time.

Ask more questions and try to talk out logistics with the person. A threesome is hopefully a super hot situation for everyone involved, but a conversation that gets super sexual every time you all start to talk may not be the best thing. Sometimes these super sexually charged conversations pull the other person into a fantasy world and they end up not thinking about logistics on the day of they might flake out and leave you hanging, so be sure to discuss a fair amount of logistics, condom usage, town/ city of meeting, what day of the week, do they have a partner, how they will arrive to the meeting place, do they want to have a drink.

See what they are okay with, see what they want out of the experience, then see if your goals line up.

9. Talk to your potential matches. Ask them good questions, feel them out.
Ask them if they smoke, ask them what they smoke, ask them if they are okay using condoms. How much time do they have to meet up? Are they visiting the area or are they local?

10. Meeting

You finally have one or maybe two people that you like. Now it is time to meet them. Some things you should have done already:

You should:

a. have a good idea of what the other person looks likes, body and face.

b. be meeting in a neutral place (not in your house or neighborhood).
c. know if the other person has a partner or not, or you should have at least asked.
d. know if you’re using condoms or not. (if not you should know each other’s STI status)
e. know if you are going to smoke, drink take an edible before or during the meeting.
f. Know how the encounter will end, if you like them and if you don’t vibe.

Depending on what you want, your meeting could be with a tail or without. A meeting with a tail is a meeting that can turn into hot and sexy fuck with the person you’re meeting if everyone agrees.

If you’re having a meeting with a tail don’t say that you “will” or that you “plan to” have sex after the meeting up, instead say that you’re open to having sex following meeting up. This manages expectations for everyone and if you decide to not go through with it you will not feel like you are breaking a promise.

11. When it comes to having sexy time: Stick to the plan
As Travis Scott says in the song “Know The Plan”. Try not to change the plan unless you encounter unforeseeable events.

You should know :

Are you drinking, smoking, taking an edible?

If so, how much?

Do you know the rules you have established?

Is everyone getting penetration?

Is everyone giving/ receive oral?

Is anal on the table?

Do you want to have a single session or a marathon?

Is the third partner leaving right after you have sex?

Don’t let the guest change the plan

They are your guest and you have invited them

Rules of thumb:

Be courteous/ be respectful

Do your best to keep your word

If you are going to be late. Call before you are actually late. Call as soon as you know you will be late.

Cancel events far in advance if you need to cancel. Canceling the day of can be seen as inconsiderate. Canceling a few hours or a few minutes before is irresponsible and disrespectful.

Don’t be overly intoxicated.

12. Don’t be a afraid to stop things if the guest breaks the rules or you get a bad feeling

If you found someone has been dishonest, or deceptive with you, they don’t match their pictures (yes this still happens) you are well within your rights, and for personal safety to stop the meeting. You don’t really need a good reason to stop a meeting. If you show up and just don’t get a good feeling from them, then you can abort the meeting and leave. You will almost definitely have nerves going into a possible threesome and meeting. After you start talking, these feelings and nerves should calm down. If they don’t, then you can always wait to have sex another time. If your nerves are too much just take it easy and meet them without sex, you can always meet again. A threesome with too many nerves will make the other partner uneasy.

((FIREWORKS))

13. Talk it out.

Now that you have finished the threesome, talk it out. If there is one things all couples can do it is to talk more. Talk about your feelings. Talk about how you felt leading up to the meeting. How was the sex? Did you want to try something but lost your nerve? What part didn’t you like and what change(s) would improve things next time?
Will there be a next time?

Mythical hunters

Unicorns and Dragons

For those of you that want to go further into the mythical realm and for a unicorn or a dragon, keep reading.

A unicorn is a woman who joins a man and a woman to have a threesome with them.

A dragon is a man that joins a woman and a man in a threesome and sex with both the man and the woman.

If you want to find a woman to join your couple, you can take the online route but I recommend also trying the in-person route. Visit a swingers club, a sex club, is often a place to make entree. Keep in mind you will likely not take them home that night, but if you find someone you like and hit it off, you should, get contact info and start talking with them. Generally in couples one of them is a people person between the two of you, that person should generally make introductions and kick things off.

After you get contact info and go home you should continue the conversation. Get to know this potential partner. Get to know them like a friend. You don’t need to hit them over the head with sex, but be sure they know that you are attracted to them, and a threesome is with them is something you’re interested in.
still use the steps from earlier 7, 9, and 10 are still needed.

To find a dragon things are a little different. Male on male action is still highly stigmatized and men often won’t cop to the fact they enjoy it even if they are online, sometimes from shame but sometimes from backlash.

If you are looking for a partner that you can both have sex the good and the bad news is that you will have some waiting to do. But waiting for the right person after you place your ad is a simple
thing.

Be aware there a some dishonest men that will say they are Bi or bi-curious as a way to get into your bedroom just so that they can have sex with the woman of the couple. These people are somewhat hard to weed out as they will talk the talk until they are actually in the bedroom. You can preclude a few of them by doing a few things though.

a. after you have chatted for a bit tell them as the woman you like to watch your male partner have sex at the start of the session and then you usually join in later. Someone whose intentions are right would not think this is weird or have objections to this and might even find very hot. You can also ask how many men they have been with, or what their favorite part of playing with a man is. If they give you a non-committal/vague answer. Or say that they are still new and aren’t sure whether they like it, be cautious. If doesn’t mean they’re being dishonest, but if you want to have sex with another man, it is generally apparent in the conversation and sexting that leads up to the meeting.

A note about finding a trans partner. There are many trans people in porn, erotic literature and fantasy. This means they are often pursued to be in threesomes, often simply for the fact that they are trans. They often are looked at as a commodity and not people. Many trans women have breasts and penis, and people just want the body parts. This would be similar to a processions of people trying to sleep with you because you have certain body features. People should not be fetishized. You should allow yourself to get to know anyone you want to sleep with.

Legend:

MFM When two men have sex with a woman but the men don’t interact with each other.

MMF/FMM When the both men play with each other as well as the woman in a threesome.

FMF: When two women play with a man but not each other.

FFM/MFF: When two women play together as well as with a man

Unicorn: A woman without a partner who joins a couple to have sex with them.

Dragon: A bi-sexual man who joins a couple for a threesome and has sex with both the man and the woman